Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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