the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
