craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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