Are we in a gay sports bar?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
