umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
