I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
