I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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