We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
