I'm eating all of the evidence.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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