Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
