she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
