ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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