ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
