I got her a Nickelback box set.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
