Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize