The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
