If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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