Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
