i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
