i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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