Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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