He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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