What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
