shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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