All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im holly from the hills drunk
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
