My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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