There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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