I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
