10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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