i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
