yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
