Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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