Where did you get a picture of my penis
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What a dumb baby whore.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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