oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
