I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if only i could text you this smell
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
