Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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