fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
