apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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