Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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