there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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