but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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