I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
