So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
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I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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