accomplished twins. life is a go
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
