nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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