Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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