so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
