I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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