I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
