Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
