I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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