Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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