my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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