She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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