6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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