i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I believe in your delicious
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
