Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
