they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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