So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
