Your face is a jimmy john
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
