she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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