dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
