1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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