Where is the hickey?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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