This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
