3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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