508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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