His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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