Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
babies were throwing up all over the place
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
